One of the (not the only) more disabling aspects of bipolar disorder for me is fluctuating energy levels. I've learned that this is a key aspect of the disorder and is often (not always) at the root of many of the other symptoms. In an article on MentalHelp.net, energy levels in bipolar are emphasized, though I think this is a comparatively simplified explanation, in terms of causation of various moods and other life complications. It reads:

"Although popular culture tends to equate mania with happiness and depression with sadness this isn't really the best way to think about what is happening in bipolar disorder. Bipolar Disorder involves not so much a swing between happy and sad states, as it does a swing between high and low energy states. When in a high-energy state, people appear happy because they are motivated and excitable, whereas in a low energy state, people feel sad, and lack motivation and enthusiasm. As the energy level of a manic episode increases, the early happy mood tends to degenerate into a more agitated and psychotic state which may be experienced more as terrifying than happy, but which is nevertheless very energizing. Similarly, as a depressive mood state increases, people may go from merely feeling badly about themselves to literally not being able to leave their bed. Thus, the happy and sad moods that are thought to characterize mania and depression respectively are results of different energy states and not necessarily primary features of the disorder."

The above does seem to make sense for me in many cases, but of course it neglects to mention the irritability, agitation, and/or anxiety often experienced in high energy levels. I mean, if I'm charged up, yes I am often elated, but of course also sometimes have aspects of fight or flight or plain mental chaos. The relationship between low energy and depression is also not so straight forward, in my view.

Has anyone else out there had extremely low energy, but not really felt depressed in the sense of feeling hopeless, sad, low self-esteem, or the like? I can say that I've definitely experienced this. I sometimes have extremely low motivation, stay in bed almost all day, want to sleep too much, don't do sufficient self-care, perhaps yearn for more carbs (to "boost energy/self-medicate the low energy*) and yet my mood is...pretty good otherwise. Am I stable in these cases? If so, why am I otherwise incapable of doing things? Disabled feeling fine?!?

Then there are mixed states where energy levels and moods don't match what that MentalHelp.net paragraph describes. I can also have major league energy, but feel hopeless, desperate, frustrated, low self-esteem. Or have zero energy, but my mind is racing, I might be anxious, or even elated or charged up angry. In this latter case, I'm in bed all day with my laptop on my lap typing at 100 mph, sometimes impulsively, with disinhibition. And yet, I definitely don't want to do chores or errands and would become tired or winded, physically (not mentally), if I walked even 1 mile, or even up and down my stairs. Oddly, still disabling to various degrees. At its worst, psychosis could happen.

A kind member here reminded me of something I mentioned on PC a while ago. I had discovered an online article by Dr. Jim Phelps about his and some other experts' theory on this whole chaos of mood-energy continuum. See Rapid Cycling And Mixed States As “Waves” – PsychEducation Actually, Dr. Phelps himself referred me to it. It included a graph that showed an example of how moods and energy levels may not always fit the model that MentalHelp.net describes as "classic". The very interesting thing was that in addition to curves labeled "energy" and "mood", the graph also included a curve labeled "intellect" (meaning speed of thought, creativity, ability to connect ideas...basically cognitive stuff). Hmm? That can sometimes be so true for me, too! I can have low or high energy with either low, high, or even normal mood OR even normal energy and normal mood, and yet NOT feel creative and/or feel cognitively impaired. See this graph as an attached jpeg file. This would explain to me why I may seem otherwise stable and yet be frustrated with my cognitive abilities. Maybe even have memory issues? That can also be a disabling state to various degrees, for me.

Can you relate to any of this?

I do understand that medication side effects (sedation, etc.), co-occurring anxiety issues, and/or other mental health issues can contribute to disability of various levels. I'm not debating that. However, I am saying that I believe my bipolar disorder itself is often (most often) the culprit. I don't see my situation as hopeless at all. Time/healing, the right meds, therapy, and other factors have managed to "tame" the waves on my "graph" to varying degrees, but I recognize my bipolar disorder as being more complex than just "highs" and "lows".

*Note: I believe that my need to self-medicate, at times, is wrapped up in situations represented in the attached graph. Yes, crave carbs or stimulant when low energy. Or crave a depressant like alcohol (or tendency to grind/clench my teeth) when extreme energy is too much to bear. As for when energy and mood are otherwise fine, but my cognitive situations are poor, I guess I just crave the "graph" to readjust. Mental exercises can help. It is difficult! I feel like it's sometimes like juggling with three balls.