I’m developing a clearer picture of how I am with T. All I can think is how frustrating it must be to work with me. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t TOO avoidant however, T’s silent refusal to enable my avoidance makes the walls I feel myself running into in therapy very visible. I wonder how much of T’s refusal to directly challenge me has more to do with caution on T’s part to not push me too hard too fast or if T is just deciding not to help.

This whole session felt like a dance around some big issues. T was definitely alluding to them but did not come right out and name them. I just have no idea how to start talking about them. Or how to know if I’m ready to or not. I don’t even know how to talk about this with T even though I know T would be more than happy to.

Bahh. This is therapy, I guess!