i thought i posted about this but perhaps cybermonsters ate it

im in a bad frame of mind. Very self destructive.

i am thinking about leaving therapy. Yeah, i know, i have said that before... this time i am not freaking out at T or anything like that. We had an issue yesterday.. and i was upset, panicking... but we got through it... what i am left with though is the stuff that got triggered... a lot of violence internally. i am realizing how hyperreactive i am to T's actions, words...everything he tries to do..

i feel like a total failure and a waste

i am asking myself.. sincerely, am i even a good candidate for therapy?

what is the likelihood i can ever accomplish the changes i would need to in order to make this journey worth doing?

i got to the point of telling H i wanted out... that was my big focus for going into therapy. i did that. Maybe it's time to stop now.

i thought i could do more, be more, you know? i was wrong... im not as strong as all that... no, really, im not. i need to make big leaps of faith to change and instead i cling to T and cry in fear and anger.... and T just wants to push me into leaping...

i dont disagree with him this time really... i just dont think i can do things this way...

im not sure what i am asking here....maybe nothing