[QUOTE=Ines123;6429773]

Hello Ines123. It sounds like you are having an extremely difficult time. Were you able to share your concerns with a doctor at all? Either someone who cared for you during pregnancy and the birth or someone new?

It sounds like you need some support. No shame in that. I think a trusted doctor could be a place to start. Would you feel comfortable with that?

There's a poem by Sylvia Plath which sounds similar to how you are feeling. It's called Morning Song. I don't know if you enjoy poetry but perhaps it would be of comfort to you to know that someone else also felt detached from her baby.

I wish you and your baby peace, understanding, and hope.

Morning Song

Love set you going like a fat gold watch.
The midwife slapped your footsoles, and your bald cry
Took its place among the elements.

Our voices echo, magnifying your arrival. New statue.
In a drafty museum, your nakedness
Shadows our safety. We stand round blankly as walls.

I’m no more your mother
Than the cloud that distills a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind’s hand.

All night your moth-breath
Flickers among the flat pink roses. I wake to listen:
A far sea moves in my ear.

One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral
In my Victorian nightgown.
Your mouth opens clean as a cat’s. The window square

Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try
Your handful of notes;
The clear vowels rise like balloons.

Sylvia Plath