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I've learned to embrace my dark moods. They are like a guilty pleasure, is how I decided to look at them. I will lock my bedroom door, give the hubby not to bother me no matter what speech, grab either a beer or small glass of expensive scotch, turn off all the lights, light candles all over the room, prepare my favorite/chosen music play list, go into my bathroom or the middle of the room, sit on the floor in my warmest socks, cozy pjs, turn off the phone and cut myself off from the world. And then, I will either, depending on my mood, put on headphones, sit and play my music, sit, sip my beverage and stare. I will revel in my time of being "blue" with tears falling down my cheeks, weeping non stop to each song and torturing myself with the past moments that hurt.
This activity can go on from a couple of hours to a record 3 days. I just lean into the misery. And at the end of every session, I feel better about everything. It cleanses my spirit and feeds my dysfunctional nature I've overcome, but still am compelled to visit. It's a healthy, safe way to work anything out that I need to think about. I know it sounds sick to alot of people, but I am aware of the reality of who I am and what the score is. A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.
Like the most famous head case of all time, Hunter S. Thompson said, "This is the fast lane folks....and some of us like it here."
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