Having a hangover seemed to mask or dampen down the mania before I got admitted and treated. Maybe that's why my choice of drug is alcohol and not weed. Maybe I am a control freak in some respects. I was always neurotic and OCD has an element of neurosis. I did not want to join the armed forces because that would mean not being in control of my own destiny. I could not choose where I was posted to. I used to like being hyper with my girl pals. Most found me funny. Sometimes I crossed the line though.
When I worked at one job a supervisor asked if I had seasonal affective disorder. I vowed about a year after hospital before the job that the mania was not a good thing. So I squashed it down to practically non existent. I felt that it was easier to spot as a disorder than say being a bit low or flat. Or maybe they would think I was ADHD. But it was a very small team so of course someone would pick up on something not quite falling into place. I sang the script and Paulo Nutini out the back. But I was very inhibited apart from singing. I was very closed off and described as difficult. If I were a boy I would have been left to my own devices I think however. And another colleague said I was just a good quine.