Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
665 hugs given
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Mar 02, 2019 at 09:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fouracres
Thanks for this! Glad to know I’m not alone. I do try to not be avoidant, I talk about how I’m avoiding things, and that always turns into an odd conversation because T will never outright ask what I’m avoiding.
It’s been a strange process. I’ve definitely written things down and that has helped, but the session always comes about me trying to read what I wrote (because that becomes a new obstacle, haha). T does not lead sessions and I think T is wary. T has led the sessions a few times early on and often things didn’t go well for me (I ended up dissociating, panicking, etc.).
I think the problem is that I feel comfortable enough with T to show up and have surface-level conversations, but I don’t feel at all close to ready to dig in deep. And it’s been about 9 months. I thought I’d be much further.
Ah well. Thanks for letting me ramble!
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I can get that not ready feeling. For me, it's more about I didn't want to burden him with it, we were really close and I didn't want him to deal with that crap with me.... and I also didn't want to relive it in any way myself.... so I heavily avoided "past" issues... and tried to focus on now and the future. Everyone is different but being avoidant makes therapy a bigger challenge for sure.
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Grief is the price you pay for love.
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