Thanks for this! Glad to know I’m not alone. I do try to not be avoidant, I talk about how I’m avoiding things, and that always turns into an odd conversation because T will never outright ask what I’m avoiding.

It’s been a strange process. I’ve definitely written things down and that has helped, but the session always comes about me trying to read what I wrote (because that becomes a new obstacle, haha). T does not lead sessions and I think T is wary. T has led the sessions a few times early on and often things didn’t go well for me (I ended up dissociating, panicking, etc.).

I think the problem is that I feel comfortable enough with T to show up and have surface-level conversations, but I don’t feel at all close to ready to dig in deep. And it’s been about 9 months. I thought I’d be much further.

Ah well. Thanks for letting me ramble!