Hello, all...

A couple of years ago, I was divorced after almost 15 years of marriage. During the aftermath, I was very depressed and had clear thoughts of suicide. Obviously I didn't do it, but now I feel like I am in crisis mode again.

At the end of January, I met this woman who I fell for pretty well. She seemed to hold similar feelings for me. Up until a few days ago, I lived with her in her home.

I have always had issues with depression and anxiety and what little treatment I have had was not very successful. I tried a few different medications, with little success.

In this most recent relationship, I truly felt I loved her. She expressed the same feelings. Well, we broke up, and I feel that the fault lie with both of us, but the majority on me. The thing is, as much as she said she cared about me, she dumped me like a bad habit without too much thought, at least to me.

During our relationship, we took in a lady friend of mine who was in distress. That wasn't much of an issue, but I admit I had some feelings for the friend before meeting this woman. She seemed okay with it, and we even engaged in sexual relations with the friend together (3-some). My ex seemed to not mind and enjoyed it, even though I think she was having regrets.

My friend and my ex became fast friends, and seemed to have a bond. I understood it, and was fine. When I got kicked out, though, my friend (and her boyfriend, who had just got out of jail) took my ex's side.

I was obviously crushed, and I still am. I lost a girlfriend and a friend at the same time. I have had thoughts of ending it all, but what disturbs me most is that I have had thoughts of inflicting harm upon them as well, especially my ex. They are not fleeting thoughts, either. I feel a rage and I want them all to pay, but I don't feel I have it in me to actually do anything.

I just seek advice from you all. I really don't know what to do. Thanks.