Today was the funeral for my father in law. I did much better than I expected to. However I really regret not going over to the casket and saying my own personal goodbye. I didn’t because it always upsets me and I didn’t want to be upset but I should have. I’ll probably write him a note and just burn it to “send” it to him. He will not be buried until my mother in law passes and she will be cremated and buried with his ashes. So there’s no grave site to visit. I really wish I had said goodbye. I will write that letter though, that can be my goodbye.

My brother in law (who died in October)’s fiancé wants to be friends. I said that’s great. I think I’m the only one in her life who truly understands what she’s going through. I lost my husband, she lost her fiancée. She asked me today if it ever gets any easier. I was honest with her. It absolutely DOES but it can take a very long time. I told her I went through a couple of years where I was furious with my husband. Now her situation is different because her fiancé died in a car accident. But she said she’s mad at the doctors who mishandled the situation and caused him to go into sepsis. I said that’s true, you might be mad for awhile. She’s really sweet and if I can help her just by sharing my experience I’d like to.

My son made it through fairly well. He was a little scared to see a dead body for the first time. I understood that. He cried a little bit and I told him it’s ok to cry and if he ever needs me because he’s sad I will be there for him. I’m considering putting him back into therapy for a little while. Or at least taking him to the local children’s grief group. I’ll probably do that; that way he can learn that he’s not alone. I just don’t want him to end up like I did.

RS came with me and was a great support. Unfortunately he got sick and he’s currently in my room sleeping. We are supposed to go to the flower show tomorrow but if he’s sick then we will go next Sunday.

Well that’s all she wrote.