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Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
Having a real communication problem in my relationship with my boyfriend. We made concrete plans which he always follows through..but then he will attempt to see me an extra day and I will tell him to let me know later if he’s up to it. Last time, he wanted to get together then later he wasn’t up to it. Ever since he started this new job he has been behaving this way. So the past 2-weeks. So tonight he was being vague when I asked if he still wants to get together. He was telling me probably not and then he stopped replying to my texts leaving me hanging. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to say no, afraid I’ll reacf badly, feels guilty or what...we had an understanding that he would just be direct. I’m starting to feel that maybe I’m just being too available to him. Before he would initiate plans, but lately I have been..thoughts?
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Being true to one's word is an important part of any relationship; essential for trust. If you have already indicated to him that you value and expect direct communication, and he is not following through, I suggest taking a step back. Although we naturally want to understand what's going on with another person, if they opt not to tell us it's not necessarily helpful to speculate about their motivations. Your idea about being less available sounds wise. Put yourself first. Spend time with some family or friends or doing solitary activities you enjoy. Then see what happens. I think in general if a person pulls back from us, we should let them. Trying to reverse the pull-back often doesn't work and burns our energy. Hope this helps. I wish you peace and good luck Gymgirl.