I'm sorry you're experiencing this: it must be frustrating and even scary.

I've always been of the mind that there are no common traits amongst people with Bipolar Disorder, except those -though these can vary widely- experienced during a BP episode. When you're not in an episode -when you're at your baseline- you're just you, with all of one's characteristics, flaws, strengths, and just one's personality in general, which, of course, varies immeasurably.

I think this is one of the reasons why therapy is so important: where it can help in coping with and recovering from episodes, really medications are the mainstay for treating BP. Whereas, as far as everything else, therapy can help with insight, coping skills, and other things, things that stand apart from BP episodes.

Is it that you panic (and/or become explosive) in situations where there are a lot of people? In any case, this sounds really challenging, and my hope would be that therapy would help. What you're going through sounds awful for you and I wish you the best of luck.