You darn well do deserve them! ((((((((tearless))))))) <--if ok

My heart really, really goes out to you, reading your post. You must be in a terrible amount of pain. I'm so glad that you were able to reach out to us. I hope it helps.

You have no reason to be embarrassed. I can relate to your shame about si, but I don't think we really need to feel that way. It's sad that we do It's a double whammy- not only are in you so much pain, but you also feel embarassed about what you do to try to cope with that pain.

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but if you've read on this forum, you know that I have the same struggle. I will tell you this, there is hope of quitting- but it only happens when YOU ARE READY. And when you find a reason- a good, loving reason- not to hurt yourself anymore. I pray that you will find it, and soon- before this escalates much more.

Best of luck to you!

Angela