I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, MoxieDoxie Please try to go if you can. If this is bothering you so much, I'd suggest to talk to your therapist about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he'll be able to help you. Perhaps there are other methods that you could try and you could feel more comfortable with. Share all the doubts you have about this method with him. He's there to help you and to make you feel better after all. Remember that sometimes things may be painful, but that's only because they can go up later. Don't give up hope! I'm so sorry. I know it's very hard for you. Please don't give up. I'm sure you'll be able to get through this. Take all the time you need, like the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this