I didn't mean it in a rude or pushy way. I was just replying on my phone so It was harder to type but yes I know you are working on it, hence his comments about all relationships end, which I'm glad he brought up and discussed with you.

I've been there, but not in the same sense, as an avoidant, I usually don't care when people leave. I expect it and I'm eh when it happens... HOWEVER.... here's a story.... and I don't mean to compare animals to people but to me, my dogs ARE more important to me than people so I can understand

What brought me to therapy to begin with, was intense anxiety over my dogs dying. It was literally ruining my life. I couldn't do basic tasks anymore, any sneeze or cough or weird look etc would terrify me to believe that they were dying. It got to a point where I knew I needed help.

So.... somehow along the way, T became just what I needed for dealing with this. When my dog got cancer, I didn't cry. I wasn't angry. I was just ok. I didn't text him right away, but we talked about it at my next session. Somehow just the peace of knowing he was there and knowing he wasn't judging and he didn't find it odd that I was like this with my dog, was comforting. One thing he said to me, I never forget and it's kind what I trying to pass along to you, in a terribly worded way.... but he said "You can spend all this time worrying about the end that you know will someday come OR you can spend that time, enjoying the time you are given with them. Only one of those options creates good memories." He was right.

We prepared for the death, even though he died almost 6 months after the diagnosis, in various ways. One of them was him asking me all sorts of stories and having me share those stories with other people. Keeping the memory alive, even while he was still there. When he eventually passed, I didn't cry. I didn't talk about ending my life. Although I always thought I would, I calmly texted him "He passed away, We can talk tomorrow" and just letting him know that bit of info was helpful. Having him there through it was a gift in itself but here I am with a dog who is almost 16. I know he isn't gonna be here tons of time longer but I don't get anxious about it anymore. I do my best to live every moment of every day I have with him, the best I can

With T, even though it was short notice....I did my best to keep the last couple sessions about the here and now or the future. I could have spent them all crying and being angry and one of them I did, but I thought about, is this really the memories I want to have with him looking back? So we did sessions like they were normal. Like nothing was different. I am glad I made that choice, because even though the loss hurts like hell, it's some comfort to know, we had a good final session. We laughed, and played a game etc

I realize things take time, of course they do, especially when they are that way for years and years. I was not doubting that and you are making small strides and those are all to be proud of.... I was just again, terribly, but trying to encourage the wisdom of here and now living the best you can. Something to strive for anyway.

I also get the anxiety of annoying him etc but I doubt that's the case. He hasn't been annoyed by any of the contact thus far. It's likely something very minor to him... and he isn't thinking you are freaking out this much over it. Hopefully no matter what topics come up, you have a good session.... and keep going, one day at a time.