Astral Im not going to plead and such because whether you harm yourself or not thats your own decision...

what I will say is that there have been many times when I have felt like this and made the decision to hold on and contact my treatment providers. In some situations I have even walked in the door of the nearest hospital emergency room and handed a nurse a note that said what I was feeling, and any plans I may have had.

now I look back on my life and I count all the different positive things that I wouldnt have experienced if I had followed through... my children, my wife, my job, that new puppy chasing the red dot, the fall colored trees, going to the beach, I look around my home and remember how I was feeling when my child gave me that, or I bought this or that....

in the end looking at all the positives in my life pulls me out of that suicidal thought mode.

suggestion maybe you can reread your posts here and notice the positive postings about your self and to others that can show you that though right now the times are hard, life really is worth living and all the different things that you would miss out on if....

maybe you can find a way to contact your treatment providers who can help you to get through this in ways that we here on psych central cant help you with.

again only you can decide whether you are going to do something or not and whether you can find ways to bring yourself back up. why only you because I am not you, I am not your treatment providers and ... well you get the point... all we can do here is let you know we have read your post, and what we do when we are in the same situation. the rest is in your hands.