The more I go through her behavior in my mind, the more freaked out I get. In this hour long "talk" where I said 5 words and she talked non-stop for an hour, I tried something. She has for many years tried to convince me that I have a mental disease. I know this sounds like I grabbed it from a the narcissist text book, but I swear to you on my life that she told me once about 7 years ago when I was so frustrated with how my life seemed to be going and she said "Well (insert my name), you do have a disease." At the time I was hurt and bothered that she would think I was that mentally ill, but I thought her intentions where good. This last talk on Friday she said her brother had brought up to her that she might look into me being bipolar (note how she didn't think it, but her brother suggested it to her). Just to see what would happen, I said "That does worry me sometimes that I might be bipolar."

I don't worry about it and know I'm not bipolar. Anyone in my entire life, family and friends included, would crack up at the suggestion that I might be bipolar. This comment about me being concerned about it opened the flood gates. She suggested that my therapist test me, and that medications were very effective, and that she had been reading a book on how to deal with a bipolar spouse but she thought I would be hurt if she told me about it. She hugged me and said she would stick by me and love me, and she was so sorry that I had to go such difficult things.


I did catch that it was her brother that supposedly suggested I might be bipolar, but yet she has been reading a book long before he came to visit.


I have been treated for depression, but my last therapist said that she wasn't surprised I was depressed and she thought my depression wasn't biological in origin, but in fact caused by my wife's behavior towards me. Of course I stopped seeing that therapist because my wife felt she wasn't the best fit for me, and I "agreed" because I thought my wife was really looking out for me.


I could go on and on, but the more I think about it the more I find events in the history of our relationship that point towards covert manipulation. How can someone think that way? How can she rationalize knowing that she is responsible for causing me years of pain and isolation? Does she even know she has done it? I have to think that she doesn't realize the consequences of it. If I think that she does know what she is doing, the pain of that reality is like nothing I have ever known.