What I really want to tell you today is that I am scared. You have helped me so much over the last 9 months. I just keep feeling myself getting attached to you you. It scared the hell out of me. U dint want to be attached I dont want to feel pain when inevitably we stop working together. I fear losing you abruptly. I couldnt open up to somebody who is blank slate and is a complete stranger to me. However the idea of feeling like I know you and to a small degree then to have all that taken away is really difficult. On the other hand I know if none of this happened I could not learn trust you at all. It isn't you I don't trust I don't trust myself. Part of what it will take to get where my life is better it will take being able to have some attachment.

I know I could talk about all of this with you. You have always been amazing regardless what I bring up. I just can't. That would require me to be more vulnerable and open than I have ever been with anybody else.