So my anger that I experienced a couple of week back in T is still just simmering under the surface....T knew this yesterday and as soon as she said it was there still, I saw it myself...I said yes, it is still there and it won't go away...T said want to talk about it?...I replied I can't....T said you can't or you dont want too?....I said I dont want too, because I will inflate then explode and all this green envy and rage will shoot out of me.....she said on the session after my rage session that it had frightened me and I walked in saying I wanted peace and then yesterday I told her how on mondays session I felt disconnected from her...she ask me what would happen if I felt connected to her?...I said I guess I'd feel angry at you....I said this week it really hit me that all I do is see her twice a week for 2 50min sessions...I wanted her to say something at that point...I'm not sure what...perhaps I wanted her to reasure me that theres more to "it" then that....but perhaps she wants me to experience what that really feels like?....it feels like discovering your parents are only human after all thats what it feels like...It feels like I'm about to loose the dream world a child most often lives in...well the world I've always lived in.....I feel part of me fighting to cling onto it...but part of me is trying to lead me through it....I'm afraid that if I loose this dream that there will be nothing left....perhaps because most times apart from the fantasys I Had of my mother there really wasn't much there....oh dear as I write this I see the transferrence....I see that T has been there so much more then my mother ever was....but the fear is still being held by that small part of me...its like I'm trying to cross a stream and T is on the other side with her hand out reached but I'm stuck in the middle thinking of all the things that could go wrong and unable to see the things that will be right....