Mouse,
I so understand every single word of your post. Recently with my rage and repair I experienced the exact same sequence. Rage, then conciliatory session and then dissociated session and now I have decided and realized that I can hold on to the good side of him instead of the "bad" in order to hold on to "us."

So, just for now, I am hanging on. I know it won't last forever, though.

After our rupture and my rage, I told him that it felt as though he were on the other side of a canyon and that the space between us was huge and wide.

It's so damned hard and painful to relive and realize those moments when, as children we were so very alone. But you said it--that T has been there--so go ahead and swim over to the other side because you two have a beautiful relationship.

Peace