Sorting my thoughts.

The obsessions come in 2 different types:

Normal: These are what I mostly had in my teens and earlier. They were for things like music and video games, and they were the normal sort of obsessions that everyone has, though maybe sometimes a bit more intense? I haven't had one of these types of obsession for a while. And when I did they were nowhere near as strong as back then.

Not normal: These are always for objects of various types. I become obsessed with a certain thing, look at pictures, daydream about having whatever it is. In the past I've been able to get the thing or at least something very close. I've obsessed over it until I got bored and moved onto the next thing. Back in 2014 I started a new obsession which I could never get. It lasted until the end of last year (2018), and that was only because I started a new obsession back in May last year. This new one eventually took over the old one, and now I have lost interest in the old one, never think about them anymore. But the new one is worse I think, I've deleted everything I had about them and I am trying to stop daydreaming. I still do sometimes about one particular theme but I'm hoping to stop that now.

All of these "not normal" ones come with some level of nervousness though. The very first one, I couldn't even get because I just couldn't force myself to buy it. I eventually did get a different type many months later, and that seemed to "work" to satisfy the obsession until a new one took over. Some of them have only had a bit of nervousness at the beginning and then I've managed to easily get them. This one, I have no choice, I can't buy one. But if I could, I wonder if I even could or would I be too nervous?

I'm just waiting for this one to end. That could mean another one has to take over though. I hate to think what it will be next, could it really get any worse than this one? I have been trying to stop daydreaming about them because I think that's probably whats still keeping it alive, because I remember what they look like. If I stop daydreaming about them, I'm hoping I can forget what they look like and then the obsession will end? I hope I don't see any anywhere, I will definitely try to avoid places that sell them for now, until the obsession is over. I don't want to rekindle it.

But for now my main objective is to stop daydreaming about them. Every time I find myself doing it, STOP and turn it into something else. I should think of something to turn it around to, and make a habit of doing it every time. Especially in the morning when I need to get up and can't just lie there thinking about stupid things like that.

Edit: Also these "not normal" obsessions are just a "theme" for something deeper. I never want the objects really, they are just a theme, but there's something beneath them keeping them going and making new ones happen, I'm not sure how or why it chooses certain objects. It's probably that underlying thing that I have to break, I just need to work out how to.