I realized this could, and maybe should, go into the "Relationships & Communication" subforum. However, I'm hoping to keep it here since I usually post there and would like some feedback from the folks who frequent this subforum.

Anyway, lately (and actually for the past couple years, but that's another story), my partner has been very un-motivated. I've been the breadwinner for over a year now, although we don't have a ton of bills or debt, it's still hard on me. He's living with me in housing (for work, not school) although I'm technically not supposed to have him there, so there's one stressor for me (I can get paranoid about getting in trouble, especially since this is a really important job for me). On top of that, he hasn't had a job for over a year, and although he's been going to school, he's only been applying to leads that I forward to him. I don't mind helping, but I told him recently that I wish he'd apply to way more on his own time because it's stressful for me to pay for pretty much everything.

He's been diagnosed depressed and I've been very understanding: I have anxiety and PMS-induced depression. We took a break last year because I couldn't deal with his lack of motivation, but he promised to change and we got back together. His motivation is usually so low he doesn't plan trips or dates for us, and he literally told me one day that he doesn't have the motivation to leave the house, so if I want to go somewhere I should suggest it to him.

I post this not to shame depression, but to understand it more. I know when I'm PMSing, sometimes I can hardly get out of bed. I can't focus at work, I don't feel like cooking for myself, and all I can do is watch TV. It feels like there's a pit in my chest. It seems that's how my partner is every day.

How much does depression affect your motivation? Do I have the right to feel resentment towards him when he doesn't apply to more jobs or clean the house? I've been getting better about communicating my needs to him, and I never make him feel bad for being depressed, absolutely not.

I guess I'm looking for also looking for advice as to how he can get more motivated. I think the side effects and withdrawal symptoms of meds make us both leery of them. He was going to therapy but stopped because he doesn't have the money. It's a bit of an impasse, but at the same time, it shouldn't be.

Thanks for listening. This is my first time posting in this subforum so I hoped I conveyed what I needed to say in a sensitive, cautious matter. Psychforums has been very helpful for me so far!