I have been going in and out. Trying to stay in the world. not easy without a purpose. I am trying to focus on myself, my physical and mental health. I am trying to find a place where I know I will be for a few years. Today is an odd day. I feel like crying, self harming, running away but I am not sure why. What is brewing that causes me to think and feel this way. I feel angry that I am talking about this. but nobody knows it's us so everything is still ok. I need more light and to be outside more. It's too cold right now. I realize that without having something to focus on I become too drawn into my mind. there is so much conversation. It takes time to sort it. so I don't. I just try to do something to cause me to focus. such as writing this. I think this helped