Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ
I have just experienced something recently in therapy that I want to share.
I am struggling in University as I was recently retraumatized by trying to write an essay about my trauma, in addition the therapist I am seeing is displaying red flags which also have been triggering me a bit. I am able to discern red flags from evidence, and I have let my therapist know how I feel.
Recently she recommended a possible medical withdrawal from University (for the semester) which she could fill out. I said no at the time.
I went to see her the other day and mentioned this again and said I decline the offer for medical withdrawal at this time, but if I do not improve, I may have to revisit her offer.
She said I would have to rebook an appointment before the withdrawal cut off day, that I would have to fill out an assessment of my mental status (like scales of 1 - 5 of a broad range of symptoms).
The she said this.... That she believes what I am experiencing is PTSD (which is true). BUT - that she believes my initial trauma in therapy was valid, but each subsequent experience after is a product of hypervigilance rather than fact.
I was absolutely floored.
For one - I haven't shared my trauma with my therapist. She hasn't allowed me to share nor shown any indication that she wants to know.
Two - how can someone base this assumption on a trauma she knows little about?
Three - she wasn't there. How could she know if this was merely hypervigilance?
This is an example of horrible and ineffective therapy. It is sanism and mentalism, victim blaming and shaming and now I am genuinely afraid what she will write if I do require a medical withdrawal.
In addition, she said that it is my fault that therapy is not moving forward - because my past trauma is getting in the way of treatment. I am so confused. How can someone with legitimate trauma in therapy be blamed for therapy roadblocks if they are continuing to bring themselves into therapy? Lol. It is crazymaking.
This is all breaking my heart. Yet again - met with resistance.
I know the difference between red flags and evidence. I know what hypervigilance is and I experience it, especially in therapy. But if I run away from a therapist due to red flags it is because they are unhelpful and incapable of understanding. Not a good fit. Doesn't mean I think they're trying to harm me.
I look for evidence, in my case it was health records, not red flags.
This therapist is no longer going to work with me and I will fight so hard to avoid medical withdrawal.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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I just wanted to add to this, (In regard to the bold parts above).
I went back to my therapist and told her how I felt. I was shaking like a leaf. She said she didn't mean to say that my trauma did not happen. I felt like it may have been genuine. I am willing to give her another chance because I do believe there are good therapists out there. I reiterated the intensity of my trauma. That I am not alone and that I just want to heal.
I told her about some of the red flags I have seen in my interactions with her. I told her about my C-PTSD and went into a bit of detail about my trauma in therapy. She seemed receptive to some of it.
We both agreed that my prior trauma in therapy is going to make it difficult. So now the goals of therapy is to maintain stability in University as well as work through the trauma of therapy itself.
A form of exposure therapy in and of itself.
Perhaps this therapist can help me. I will keep up to date with session information.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz