I think you should listen to your pdoc. S/he is only trying to help and is the most qualified to do so. Your fears of medications are that, only fears, not reality. It is probably true that you will end up in hospital if you don’t listen to your pdoc and I know how disruptive and difficult that can be for you. God can work through you on and off meds in the same way. How could he not, he is supremely powerful. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to suffer.