Gordon, you've been very tolerant. It reminds me a lot of what I and my husband went through (I was in your role). We are separated now, but I did try for a long time. It sounds like you are doing a lot to help, and it is very positive that your wife has recently begun therapy. She may use therapy to help with the depression, rather than meds, so I wouldn't put too much stock in her not wanting to take ADs. She is getting therapy, which can be huge in helping depression. Give it a chance to work. (I beat my depression using therapy not meds, so I know this approach works for some people.) By the way, once my husband started taking ADs, our marriage actually got worse. He became less immobilized and more able to act on his fantasies of extra-marital partners, etc. He became "stronger" and more able to treat me and our kids like c**p. Maybe this was helpful to him but I wish we could have separated before he started taking the meds to save us all a lot of grief.

I hope you can continue to support your wife in her efforts to get better with therapy. I don't think shutting off the Internet is wise. This would make her feel like a prisoner in her own home, "controlled" by you. It would be a very hostile action and probably push her further away. The problem really is not the Internet, but why she feels the need to escape her real life by using the Internet. Could you two talk about her Internet use? Work out some guidelines? Can you tell her how hurt you and the kids feel that she doesn't spend time with you anymore? And that if she spent less time on computer, you could all have more positive family time. It may not be possible for you to have this conversation, because things are too far gone (as was the case in my marriage). If this conversation is not possible, I would urge both of you to attend couples counseling. With a good therapist, you may be able to get back on track with your relationship. If your wife won't go to couples therapy with you, I would urge you to get individual therapy for help with this difficult situation.

Best of luck.