Today we talked a little about how seeing a female marriage counselor yesterday made me question if I might have some subtle anger/skepticism/mistrust of him and I wondered if it could be related to him being male. He thought it might be related to my dad and we talked about it a bit. I still feel sort of bad about having some anger towards my T since he’s nice, but I just do. I told him there are times I feel like picking a fight or poking him which is just not a typical way for me to feel towards people.

I described sort of a cartoon image of myself that I have about my therapy experience with an image of the cartoon character Wile E. Coyote (I’m guessing this dates me) somewhere outside T’s office with a giant industrial strength vacuum (ACME brand, of course) trying to pull me out of T’s office and me clinging to the doorway or lamp or desk trying to hold on while I’ m being sucked out of the room in a cartoonish sort of way by this giant vacuum. I told him it was exhausting always fighting that battle and I wish I could just enjoy being in the room instead of having to fend off Wile E. Coyote. I told T that I need something to hang on to and said maybe that’s part of what the email responses represent for me. He asked who might represent Wile E. Coyote in my life and we ended up talking a bit more about my dad.

I see him one more time next week before I go on vacation for a week and miss 3 sessions. Hopefully I’ll be having too much fun to think about him.