T1- I really really want to email you, I'm really struggling not to you know. I know you don't really care anymore, infact I'm still left with the question 'did u ever' but for me the care and connection was real, and I just want to see how you doing and let you know about the big changes we were working towards throughout our time together.
So the big change happened last week as planned, I struggled, actually I really really struggled, but i live to tell the tale I suppose. Right now it's all up and down, I'm sharing with strangers which is something I never thought I could do but it's a case of having to. The worst bit is though that I had to leave G and P until I can get myself together and get them back!
So yeah I'm still here and still fighting, thsnkfully I'm not fighting alone so it seems, I have met a girl, a proper amazing lady who actually reminds me of you in many ways. She has been there though when you chose not to be. Then there is W my closest friend, he has really stepped up and got me through the darkest moments, I think you would be impressed because you wanted me to turn to him more and when I eventually did he gave me strength.
Then there's T2, you encouraged me to continue with this whole therapy stuff even though I didn't think I could/would, but I have. She's been very nice, calm and patient.
You T1 have left me with even less trust in how this is all meant to work, I mean if you could leave me without so much as a second glance after 2 years then surely anyone can, but yeah I'm staying with her and trying to keep the faith. Really I can't talk to many ppl about my heartbreak, attachment and longing for you, but she listens, she validates and she supports.
So yeah so far T2 has been good to me too! I didn't realise just how attached I became to you until it was to late to work through, but I suppose I survived the worst of it.
Just gotta stop myself from emailing you, just hope writing this out stops the urge for a little bit.
Then tomorrow, I fight the same battle all over again.

I miss you and I love you