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sarahsweets · Mar 07, 2019 at 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolblue222

Thank you so much for the understanding reply. You have completely hit the nail on the head. I am grieving. Yes I do feel a loss about not having a boy. I am feeling traumatized by my labour/delivery. There’s many different factors that I feel sad about. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I feel like my purpose as a woman has ended. I’m done having kids so now what? Anyone can be a parent, and probably a better parent than I’m being right now. That joy and excitement of getting married, starting a family, etc is over. I have to go back to work in a couple months and it feels like a death sentence. Ugh. My perspective on life is so messed up right now. It’s hard to stay positive. Like I said it helps to hear from others who have been or are going through the same issues.

I can identify with feeling that your purpose has ended. My youngest is now 15 and two years ago I started skipping periods. But before I realized it was just me getting older (I just turned 44) I thought I was pregnant. At first I was so scared thinking I was too old for a baby and then I warmed to the idea. Imagine my sadness when my period did come. I am over that though because my tolerance for little kids as gone down. I am not a grandma yet so I am in that snotty phase of " I raised my kids right why can't you raise yours right?" As if little kids can help being little kids. My kids are 23/19/15 and the challenges I have had to face as they have gotten older have trumped the little kid phase. So much has happened and they seem to need me just as much but in different ways. As far as being jealous, I am not a jealous person but every now and then a little twinge comes over me about my SIL. My MIL seems to favor her even though I was first, and she seems to have everything figured out. She doesnt have a mental illness so her ***** is always organized, clean and she is on top of things. Her oldest plays a zillion sports and her twins are like super toddlers. I just wish I had gotten it together when the kids were younger but oh well. Usually when these feelings come up I must look inward. I need to see how my self care has been and whether or not I have connected with my husband emotionally. I go to AA meetings so I check myself there too. Its always what is going on inward that causes outward jealousy.