Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie
Say an overly-dependent person comes and asks for your help. And you feel that it's not your job to do things for her, so you make a suggestion, "Why don't you try xyz?" Your aim is to help her help herself and stop asking you. But each and every time you make a suggestion, she tells you why it wouldn't work and how her situation is infinitely hopeless. And this back and forth will persist until you give in and offer to do things for her.
At what point do you say, "Hey I'm maxed out on my suggestions. You are on your own"?
Next time, should I just say from the beginning, "No, I can't help you, sorry" rather than suggesting her to help herself and get myself trapped into this kind of conversation? Or if that's too cold or harsh, should I limit it to just one suggestion and say, "Well I tried to help you but I can't think of anything else"?
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if in context of past conversations you know that she typically does this, I would say at her first objection. Thing is rather than "hey I'm maxed out on my sugggestions... etc" how about being brutally honest with this person next time?
Instead just call them out on their behavior. you can do this nicely but very bluntly - "are you asking me for help by way of advice or are you asking me to do this for you?" Forces her to admit that she just wants you to do it. So. that clears the air but if she objects and acts like she just wants suggestions then at first sign of her endless suggestions you say "if you already know exactly what won't work, you can figure out for yourself what will..." or even what you said above. That's my way anyway.