Skeezyx - am wishing you well this evening!
I agree about the two "me's". I also have a me that isn't interested in being healthy or connected!!! Humiliating, but true.
Yes the tension between the two selves can be what holds life and relationships together - but,
can you ever step back from that conflict?
Can slow down and take baby steps for a while?
I find you a very genuine person - not just valuable because you do/ say the correct things!