Thanks everyone for your feedback. I guess I despair about my future based on my past history of constant, regular mixed episodes that prevent me from achieving goals in my life. Today I’m going to university but all I feel is dread as I cannot concentrate and the round trip is 1.5 hours. Difficult when exhausted. I’m thinking of dropping out as both my T and pdoc agree that right now I need less stress and pressure, although they are careful not to tell me what to do. My plan, should I drop out, is to focus on creative pursuits, and maybe work a little if possible.

My heartbreak is over recognising the past impact on my life and worrying about my future with this illness. I know things could improve but looking st the pattern of my illness it seems unlikely. I guess I’m being negative right now as I process the trauma.

Has anyone else felt severely traumatised by a severe episode? I feel broken by it. I know I will recover, this is just where I’m at now.