Thanks for the replies, everyone.

My T did not yell at me, he just said, "I am very angry with you for doing what you did. I did not like the fact that you did it here and how it negatively impacted my staff."

I talked to him on Friday by phone. He said,"So, you're terminating?" I said, "I don't know." He said it was a decision I had to make. I ended up not terminating.

What I hate is that I don't want to terminate, I guess because of my attachment. But, I also feel like I'm so desperate and that he doesn't care whether I terminate or not.

I think he was also using telling me that he was angry as a therapeutic tool. I hate when people get angry with me and he knows that. Maybe it is because I can't hold two emotions at once, so I think that if he is angry, that he hates me, and that any good feelings will never come back. I don't know.

I feel so alone right now. It's like I desperately need him to be nurturing and he is totally refusing. This is totally devastating. I can't go to work because I am so emotionally drained.

On the phone, I so badly wanted him to say, "I'll understand if you terminate, but I would rather you not." Just something. But he won't give an inch. Is this torture going to lead to me being stronger because it doesn't feel like it.

And I emailed him, which he banned me from doing earlier. Now I'm waiting for my punishment on Tuesday.

This is killing me. I hate it.