many well thoughts to all.

just a quick check in-
Gen Doc sat and talked with me today. long story short- She suspects over all that my severe stress is becoming physical and while she thinks what I went through was physical she also believes that stress is the main factor. she mentioned the fatty liver but also that with changes now it would assist and we should keep an update on it. She wants me to get into counseling or care soon.

We did blood tests again//those are done quickly and I get a copy of the results- all ok again there.

I have felt like I have been bat **** crazy and stressed today, a lot of out of character things with me; but nothing too severe or detrimental (I don't think).

Later- I had a rant session on myself of "not getting this, how can I do ok then wtf happens and I am on a* ledge". Then told myself I really do need to care on how I talk with and about myself, due to I do still believe that how we talk to ourselves effects how we talk to one another- and I have missed that again.

I reached out to a counseling center via email (yes I know, a call is better); asked how long the wait is, and what is their process with placement.

I dislike that I can't seem "to get it together and keep it together". I question the BP many times; but in the end I am back with "i just don't know any more"... my trust issues with others is so prevalent.. and my apologies on that.