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sarahsweets · Mar 08, 2019 at 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

as a rule we do not permit debate here, there are sites out there specifically for that type of thing. We have to remember, many of us come here to get things off our chest or air our real world frustrations, we are real people with real life struggles and on top of that we have mental health issues and constantly fight the stigma too, it's exhausting.

I wish I could change my wording and not have used the word debate because the way you explain it makes sense.

Quote:

From my own experience as a member, not every time a person puts forward whats eating them up,they may not be looking for an answer, they can simply be searching for the unburdening of frustration, then they use their own self care to adapt back to the stresses. We are all from different backgrounds, different life experiences and different issues with our mental health. We cannot forget that many of us are constantly in a process of change. It can feel like banging your head against a wall, trying in earnest to help a person who is in a situation you were in, try to give them advice based on experience, but they may not be ready and in a place to hear it yet. I'm sure many of us experienced this.

Good points to remember.

Quote:

If i can just add, we don't know what somebody is dealing with. We should never attempt to engage in "debate" in somebody else's process of getting out their problems. A debate is supposed to be between two people in a professional forum discussing differing opinions NOT someone in emotional distress looking for help being subjected to scrutiny. Also please remember we do not offer therapy or answers, just a place for us to go and socialize and unburden ourselves BUT this does not mean that you have to engage in posts or threads that upset you, it literally is up to you to follow the golden rule as stated above.

I'm here quite a long time and that's just my two cents, be empathic, humble and treat each other with respect and most importantly, do your own self care.

Again I wish I had used a different word. Maybe discuss? Or Engage? I think what I try to do is manage my expectations. Some people here ask for advice or opinions. Some people ask for suggestions. Some people ask questions like..." Do I have xyz?" (which I try to remember to say that none of us are professionals) or "is this abuse?" in which case if I believe what the person is going through is abuse and they are asking if it is, I will say my opinion about it. If someone is venting or ranting it is helpful for them to say that but not everyone needs to say that either. Some people are obviously unloading serious pain and I think learning the nuances of how people express themselves is a good thing. I am trying really hard to balance all of that. The most important thing for me personally is to admit when I am wrong and apologize if I hurt AND not be offended when someone either: does not accept my apology, puts me on ignore, or attacks me for my apology. I am constantly learning how to manage my expectations and as a rule, we really cant have expectations about what other people should say do or feel. I guess I am just trying to remember to be kind and I hope that no one here thinks I am unkind or mean and that I am not trying to be supportive to the best of my abilities. I hope I haven't offended anyone on this thread.