Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMoose
I’m in a slightly different place: I’ve been separated 1.5 years with divorce case winding down. I have sole custody of younger child (16); wife has custody of golden child (a year older).
I find it telling that your original post was a question because that’s what a manipulative abuser will do: twist everything around so you don’t know what’s real or true any more.
Here’s my fav 3 quotes from a book I just finished reading on this (Power by S. Arabi):
“Why would the same person who claimed to love and care for you hurt you—over and over without a hint of empathy or remorse?”
“This type of abuse is brimming with psychological mind games, touched with a dash of intermittent sweetness to keep the victim constantly teetering over the edge of uncertainty and self-doubt.”
“What was once the promise of a partnership becomes a twisted power play”
That setting of one child to be the policeman of the other is despicable: terrible for both kids and just designed to cause chaos and strife: because chaos is where the manipulator is most comfortable, and serenity, where people can think, is terrible. Luckily your son sounds like he’s very well aware of the situation—which is not pleasant, but it’s useful for him.
So sorry you’re going through this—it sounds miserable.
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I have read, or rather listened to audiobook, of POWER by Arabi. It was one of the things that drove me to realize finally what was going on. I literally felt nauseated as I listened to many parts of it as I saw with new eyes the explanations that perfectly outlined the irrational behavior that I have seen. I actually stepped in and did the chores for my older son to prevent my 10 year old daughter from policing him which would have ended in an angry flare up and him being punished further. This was as plain as can be, it's happened so many times before. My son is well aware of the situation, but it doesn't stop his deep emotional pain. He is so incredibly articulate with his words. When he expresses himself to my wife, he actually uses vocabulary that is over her head because he is so articulate. This infuriates her because she knows she just doesn't understand what he is saying. It makes her feel dumb and she lashes back. He just says he is not doing it to make her feel dumb, but these are the words that he has learned, and that best identify his thoughts. It really seems to come down to that she is very intimidated and scared by his intelligence and lack of ability to be intimidated.