I feel like I am letting everyone in my life down. My parents still view me as the cause of all their financial trouble (costed them a lot of money when I was first diagnsosed 19 years ago). I didn't turn out to be anything great, my dad had high hopes that I would go to college and have a career, not just be a stay at home/homeschool mom. He expected me to make good money and help save them from their financial problems (yes he said as much). I used to be so smart he said.

I can't keep a friend around long, either I say something offensive during an episode, or I hold them accountable for their actions. I'm sorry if someone says they'll be here at this time on this date, I expect them to show up. Is that so wrong?

I'm letting my children down. We homeschool, so they don't socialize much. I have extreme social anxiety so I'm not taking them to meet up with people. We are getting better at getting our school work done, so that's good.

I don't think most people are good, I find something wrong with most people. They either lie, steal, are on drugs (not the prescription kind) or are just plain old fashioned stupid. (Not you guys though, you all have been great!!)

I'm not the wife my husband deserves, I never want physical contact unless I'm manic and that's only if I'm the over the top happy manic not the angry raging manic I tend to be. We hardly ever fight unless I'm not wanting any and he does, which is very often. We also argue because I need more help around the house. By the time we get schoolwork done and some chores, I'm done, I can't do anymore. He feels that because I'm home all day, the kids and I should be able to do all the housework. It just doesn't work that way.

Yes, I'm having my own pity party today.