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sarahsweets · Mar 08, 2019, 01:38 PM

It is very hard to stay home with the kids while a spouse works and also feel like you owe everyone an explanation about why you do not work and why its ok. ( my personal view- People admire other people who raise animals noting how much time and energy goes into keeping those animals alive. Well I am raising humans- and they need way more support than animals to stay alive!)
I have been home with my kids for 17 years now. And believe me when I tell you that those dreams you have of how much easier and better it will be when they are older- are just wishes. The older a kid is, the more they need their parents- even my 23 year old away at school needs me.

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Originally Posted by Jm2310

I feel like I am letting everyone in my life down. My parents still view me as the cause of all their financial trouble (costed them a lot of money when I was first diagnsosed 19 years ago). I didn't turn out to be anything great, my dad had high hopes that I would go to college and have a career, not just be a stay at home/homeschool mom. He expected me to make good money and help save them from their financial problems (yes he said as much). I used to be so smart he said.

That is SOOO mean! Seriously mean. Do not listen to him. Pretend its just noise.

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I'm letting my children down. We homeschool, so they don't socialize much. I have extreme social anxiety so I'm not taking them to meet up with people. We are getting better at getting our school work done, so that's good.

I do think you should try and get them to do something with other peers. One of my concerns with homeschooling was if I would be a good teacher and how were they going to learn skills for navigating people.

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I don't think most people are good, I find something wrong with most people. They either lie, steal, are on drugs (not the prescription kind) or are just plain old fashioned stupid. (Not you guys though, you all have been great!!)

I believe most people are fair- some more opportunistic and some who are more altruistic and some who fall smack dab between the two. I am an alcoholic and i work with a lot of addicts and alcoholics now, some of whom have felonies and served time in prison. I go into the womens' prisons too. I do not think they are all bad people- just bad choices mixed with a lot of childhood stuff, etc and they chose drugs and alcohol. Outward criticism can happen sometimes when focusing on our own business- the inside- is too painful or difficult. It is much easier to label people stupid or bad then it is to wonder about who I am and what I want to do with my life.

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I'm not the wife my husband deserves, I never want physical contact unless I'm manic and that's only if I'm the over the top happy manic not the angry raging manic I tend to be. We hardly ever fight unless I'm not wanting any and he does, which is very often. We also argue because I need more help around the house. By the time we get schoolwork done and some chores, I'm done, I can't do anymore. He feels that because I'm home all day, the kids and I should be able to do all the housework. It just doesn't work that way.

I think couples counseling would help. Many husbands think that a wife home with the kids should be doing it all because, after all, they have a job, with a boss and paycheck..important stuff to do like paperwork and phone calls,and people to answer to! Well so do you. You have an unpaid job that is 24/7. I am sure you have paperwork of your own- forms, bills, the overdue fines on a library book- calls to make like the doctor, dentist, random c/s reps that screwed up your bill; you answer to people too- the very needy, on the go, still learning people that want all your attention at the same time- and those are the basics- also toss in chores and errands and shopping/dropping/picking something up for someone somewhere AND you get no breaks, you never clock out, you eat standing up and cant take five minutes to breathe. Oh and lets not forget about when one of those important people wakes up at night or rover has to take a pee at 3am. You see what I mean? (hope my sarcasm cheers you up)