Bama, that's a form of dissociation.

Star how great is this that you went 2 whole months without SI'ing??? I think it's a good thing, and, ok, so it happened again... and you at first tried to blow off the disappointment of "failing" again, saying you don't care...

but you do care, and you should. AND you should also know that this was very good that it was a 2 month stretch! So now you try again, because it is really a good thing for you overall.