I realised today that I can't face a relationship even though I feel incredibly lonely and in serious need of love and affection. It's just impossible. I made contact with someone on OKC today who actually seemed to like me and we chatted for a couple of hours but all the time I was getting more and more anxious because I really liked her but straight away feel no one can really love me. This fear becomes overwhelming after a while, I know if I got closer it would be unbearable.

I feel so stuck, can't do relationships, can't be on my own either, hookups are empty and I lack the confidence to approach women anyway, and paying for sex is out of the question and even more empty (plus not really what I need, sex is secondary).