For those of you that haven't kept up with my subject being scattered all over this board, I've been having communication and understanding problems with my oldest son and my youngest got involved in it. My oldest son's family had a birthday party last Saturday, and it appeared that I hadn't received an invitation so hubby and I didn't go. We took the gifts over the next day. They weren't home so we left them on the doorstep. It's usual that the parents tell the boys to call and say "Thank you." It got late on Sunday and no call, so I called to see if they had gotten it. It started a fight between my oldest son and I. He wouldn't listen to reason. Then later, my youngest son came over and I asked what had happened at the party because we didn't show up. He told me he didn't want to get involved but later that day, both he and his wife told my hubby what had happened. What the??? Anyway, I feel that I need to express my feelings about the games that have been played since my daughter stopped talking to me. I want to express myself with the FACTS as I see them and keep it short and sweet. This is what I want to say and would like feedback from all of you to see what fault you find with what I have to say. I know I can sound really harsh when I don’t mean to. So… for your consideration:

1. FACT: I have depression and anxiety. I am not “crazy.” My D/A are under control with medication.

2. FACT: Depression and anxiety can warp my thinking but only when they are not under control.

3. FACT: Feelings are neither right or wrong, bad or good, they just ARE. It’s the action behind them that is important.

4. FACT: When I reported Karla to CPS, I wasn’t doing it TO Karla, I was giving her boys a voice in an abusive/neglectful situation.

5. FACT: It backfired because for one, the worker didn’t do her job. She’s known for it.

6. FACT: Karla was already too angry with me, for whatever reasons, to listen to me if I tried to talk rationally with her.

7. FACT: At the time, I had no choice if I wanted things to change for the boys.

8. FACT: Except for the few times I’ve made the effort to bridge the gap between my first-born and I, I HAVE honored her boundaries and will continue to do so. That DOES NOT preclude further attempts for reconciliation on my part.

9. FACT: David told me at the time that any invitations to family functions were “blanket invitations.” It was up to whoever was the most uncomfortable to remove themselves from the situation.

10. FACT: About two years ago I was asked to not attend a party because Karla was going to be there but that I could come afterward. To me, it was a recinding of the original decision.

11. FACT: I could stay away from the party, but I could not walk in after everything was all over. My perception of myself was of a whipped cur sneaking in the back door because I wasn’t good enough to join the main festivities.

12. FACT: I dealt with a difficult situation in a way that was best for me.

13. FACT: Karla was in town the weekend of this last party.

14. FACT: There was doubt whether she would leave on Saturday or not.

15. FACT: I have always received an invitation when there is going to be a birthday party, with that one exception.

16. FACT: For whatever reason, the eVite did NOT get delivered to either of my email addresses.

17. FACT: I did not assume that I was invited simply because Jerry was.

18. FACT: I did not “go over the edge” or “pitch a fit” either time. The only time I did that was three years ago when my depression was completely out of control. Unfortunately, meds for D/A fail at times, so there is no guarantee that it will not happen again. Friends and family members can tell that the illness is taking hold when you know the person who has it. It would be extremely helpful if someone notices something is amiss and brings it to my attention because I can’t always tell. It sneaks up on me sometimes. I would expect that my family would understand and seek to clarify any misunderstanding if it happens.

Ok, after re-reading what I just wrote, I would change prefacing every item with “FACT.” I would just say something to the effect that I was going to state some facts.

Do I sound accusative at all? If so, please tell me where and I’ll reword it. They are all going to be on the defensive, anyway, so the less reason I give them, the better. (errrr I really don't like all those "FACTs" but right now I'm too lazy to delete them all.)