Penny I read again what you wrote both first and last WOW how well you know yourself to know the traditional methods don't work..you knew who you were and when you weren't you. Such power, such assurance of the self. I read about the tornado imagine the eye of the storm right in the middle of the tornado..the black hole is surrounded by stars. I express myself with words too just wanted to join the story..how about posting poems in creative corner..have you looked into depression bipolar support alliance our local website is dbsaroch.org with a link to the national one with meetings near you..we care about you Penny.