Quote:
Originally Posted by tallen01
I don’t know why I’m posting this other than I have no family or friends and need to express myself I guess. I cheated on my wife of 1.5 years by talking to other women on tinder. I didn’t meet them but I had conversations with them online. My wife found out and I was confronted by her and her family yesterday. The thing is I don’t even know why I was doing it. I love my wife she is my best friend and so much better than I deserve. She treats my daughter like her own and is an amazing human. I don’t know why I flushed it all down the drain for nothing. I feel absolutely horrible about myself and what I’ve done and I’ve lost everything. I’ll have to move out and explain to my daughter why her “Hannie” is no longer in her life. NEVER CHEAT IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. I deserve to be alone but it hurts and I wish I could fix it.
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Oh Tallen, I am so sorry that you are going through such a painful time
I don't think you deserve to be alone. You are a precious human being, no better or worse than the rest of us. You deserve peace. We all make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes involve marital problems, sometimes not.
You said this revelation just came about yesterday? Could there be time to step back and communicate and think things over with your wife?
I do NOT agree with her family being involved. That is not appropriate. The marriage problems are between you and your wife. Would she be open to sitting down with a relationship therapist at all?
While I understand your wife feeling hurt about you secretly talking to other women (and I don't know if they were sexual conversations) you did not actually engage in sexual acts outside the marriage. Therefore, I think it could be helpful for your wife to stop involving her family and take some time to really address the details of the breakdown in the marriage.
Marriage problems are very, very common Tallen. Sometimes those problems involve talking to other women and sometimes they don't. There are folks out there trained to help couples work through problems. For example, you aren't sure why you even wanted to talk to other women...a therapist could likely help you unpack that drive.
There are two people in the marriage and two people need to respond to the marital problems. Placing all the responsibility at your door is neither accurate nor helpful. She's obviously deeply hurt. She needs time and space. I hope she will take that time rather than immediately filing for divorce. We do not tend to make the healthiest decisions for ourselves when we are acting on raw emotion.
I am not judging you Tallen. Sounds like you are in hell right now, regardless of the reason. I hope a good therapist can help you find your way out of hell. Remember that this problem is very common and there are experts who know how to help. If her family members continue to involve themselves, please remind them that they need to respect your boundaries and the marriage problems need to be addressed only by you and your wife. Take good care of yourself and consider seeking professional support. Peace to you, your wife, and your daughter.