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TRNRMOM · Mar 09, 2019 at 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

The funny thing with boundaries and relationships, is you don’t know where the boundary is until someone’s crossed it.

Like in this case with someone being nervy about getting you to make copies for them, you didn’t know that bothered you until they repeatedly did it. To you, it was more about them repeatedly manipulating you that caused you to draw the boundary.

I had a life-long, thought-was-a-friend. The final conflict was about boundaries. I told her she must treat me with respect by backing off her ‘attacks’ on me when I say I am not engaging with her. She could not fathom abiding by these wishes of mine, and unapologetically expressed this. It’s like she couldn’t separate where she ended and I began as a being. But I am not talking about very ‘healthy’ persons here.

She had blown through all other boundaries I had tried to enforce, and I relented by allowing her, by continuing to be her friend. I draw a line/ she crosses it. I back up and draw another line/ she crosses it. And so on until it was just too unbearable. There’s your true boundary!

When you do hold tight, enforcing a boundary...boy do people push back...boy do they get mad...especially when you have already done the behavior that you are now refusing to no longer do. So proceed with caution, folks.

Making copies shouldn’t be too bad an issue to have to deal with. Be strong.

this subject couldn't have been brought up at a better time. a girlfriend and i are dealing with setting boundaries with other females in our lives; and your first sentence said it all: we don't know where the boundary is until that person has crossed it...omg. so true. in my situation this was a friend at our health club that in the beginning i thought might become a friend, tho she works, i'm retired and the friendship began in such a flurry of text exchanges and almost immediately i found i had become her therapist and rescuer and jumped in with both feet because at the time i felt i `could help her and i was getting something from it'....but then my gut started telling me it was becoming a 1-sided unhealthy friendship so i would text that i had a lot going at the time and would respond less frequently; then i get bombarded with more texts about how she misses the frequent contact and joking between us and my texts again become less frequent. she's injured and put her club membership on hold and prob. won't return, but is there some gentle way i can just step back and move on without her being in my life. i've accepted my part early on in trying to fix her, offering up so many suggestions for every aspect of her dysfunctional life, and for the life of me, i just DON'T GET HOW SHE CANNOT SEE THAT THE SHIFT IN THIS BRIEF FRIENDSHIP HAS TAKEN PLACE. do any of you have any suggestions other than being totally honest that the friendship has run its course and it's time for both of us to move on??????