Today i attended the course. it was really nice and wasnt heavy at all. i already knew the teacher, since i met him 4 years ago while trying to find a job. it brought up good memories. some were sad though, and hard to face. i kind of miss that period of my life. some people. and i miss what happened in between. back then, there was more freedom. on one hand i had more failure feelings and thoughts, but on the other hand i had less responsibilities.

The course was about learning to get your feelings out and learning to see your faults/weaknesses as resources instead.
it was about disability too. i have just been (re)evaluated as 80% (psychologically) disable. i feel closer to disabled people than normal people. the course and the teacher made me feel ok, acceptable, accepted, appreciated and with added value. maybe even more worthy of being alive.

The teacher showed INTEREST in what i had to say. which was little, but he made me feel INTERESTING. i love feeling that way!

he has founded a social association that helps physically handicapped / mental retarded people (mostly young adults) becoming independent from their parents by living together in a flat away from home. what i love about it is that the teacher follows closely his members and shows interest in really ANYTHING they do or say. i'd love to be followed like that too. when i met him, i was trying to get a job as his "colleague", while even back then, i knew i would have loved being one of his disabled young adults. not because i liked them/their lives but because i loved how closely they were followed and cared for.

today he has brought up a lot of memories, thoughts and feelings. i like being interested in something/someone like i felt today. i usually dont care much about anything or anyone. it was good having him get my attention. usually, i have my daily routine (still building it in with my job and my new home) and i care very little about anything or anyone. there are few things or people that intellectually stimulate me. most of the times, not even my T. and i find it very fulfilling when it does happen.

now, im back at my parents' for the weekend. its good and i dont feel like being with them is 100% good and living alone is 100% bad anymore. i cant believe i have changed my feelings and thoughts so much since i started this thread.
just sharing my (positive) thoughts and feelings about today…

and thanks to everyone here