You have our support Tallen. Your instinct about not sending too many messages and giving her space seems wise. Waiting is really hard, isn't it? Particularly during a stressful time when there is much at stake. But you can remind yourself that by allowing her time and space, you are honoring her boundaries. Very important. You could simply say "I am ready to calmly talk things through with you when you are ready."

She is not honoring your boundaries at all by involving her family any time you have problems. That is probably a significant factor in the marital problems. If you try therapy, or even get to have a calm discussion with her, I think it's important that you calmly make that point about your boundaries. Certainly not as a justification for your communication with other women, but as an important issue within the marriage to be addressed by both of you.

When other people weigh in on a marriage, it is the road to mayhem. The only 3rd party who can help is an experienced marriage therapist and only if both parties agree that they wish to participate in marriage therapy. That said, you could certainly talk to a therapist on your own now Tallen. In order to get help with the stress and communication strategies if/when your wife is willing to talk to you without her family present.