Had to take my daughter to her quick recall tournament this morning and then took my daughters out to lunch after (my son was with my dad at a Boy Scouts event because my husband works saturdays). I was filled with total dread at the idea yesterday but it honestly wasn’t so bad. I’ve spent the entire rest of the day to myself, curled in a ball on the couch listening to Christian music in my headphones. I am struggling. I am going to church in the morning. I kind of want to die. I am feeling very low right now. I am going to try to spend the evening praying. I want to take a shower but I think my husband might freak out if I get in right now (late night showers are always a bad sign for me). Now, when I think about going back to work April 8th, I feel like there is no way I will survive. It’s just so hard.
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*****
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
Tori Amos ~ Crucify
Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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