Oh CondimentKing, I am so very sorry that you and you gf are in this very painful situation I don't think you need to be labeling yourself as codependent or anything else right now...you sound like an intelligent and loving person who is naturally having stress and concerns associated with your gf's multiple suicide attempts. I live with depression myself; hearing and honoring the perspective of the partner is really important.

What struck me when I read your first post is that it sounds like your gf's depression is triggering some clinical depression within you. Spending a lot of time with someone who is severely depressed, particularly without an active and reliable support network, can certainly increase your risk of depression. That said, there are always options and ways of moving forward. I do not want you to lose hope.

I think a support network is the first thing I'd suggest. Your plan to see the Uni counselor sounds wise. I really hope that person will respond to you with grace, empathy, and insight. That is what you deserve. Are there other people who can support you? I'm talking anything at all...a friend who can go out with you for an eve or chat or share a hobby with? Need not be telling people about your troubles...even just having a few friends to socialize with could really help.

You need to be able to step outside of the situation on a regular basis...to let go of the intense stress. Have you tried guided meditation? There are excellent videos on YouTube. These could help your girlfriend too. Such as a search for "guided meditation for suicidal ideation" or "guided meditation for panic" etc. Research indicates that daily meditation can significantly reduce depression and anxiety and also improve physical health.

How is your girlfriend doing at this point? I don't think you mentioned how long ago since she returned from the facility. It sounds like you two live together, do I have that right? Is she taking ownership of her depression? Is she working with an outpatient psychologist and developing strategies for managing it and moving forward? I say that not from a place of judgment, but from care and regard for both of you. Any adult with a recurring or chronic health issue, whether it's depression or a physical ailment, needs to take full responsibility for their own well-being. I have to monitor my own depression. When it gets out of whack or starts to feel overwhelming, I go to my personal strategies or to a doctor or therapist for fresh ideas and support. I will share my feelings with my partner but it is not his responsibility to manage my mental health. Do you see what I mean?

With depression, or any other problem in life, adults need to want to help themselves. We cannot do it for them, no matter how much we love them and want them to be well. If you feel as though you are responsible for whether your girlfriend thrives or falters, lives or dies, I recommend that you take some time alone to think things over. I really hope that the University counselor will help you find ways to take good care of yourself. Your priority should be caring for yourself first. If your girlfriend is not doing well, she needs to talk to an experienced professional. You cannot do that for her. I wish you and your girlfriend peace and hope.