I know the feeling all too well. I miss my fire and passion for life, and sometimes I toy with the idea of going off my meds just to get some of it back. Then I think about what I was like before meds---the horrific rages, the wild manias, the black depressions---and realize that stable really is better. I just don't understand so-called "normal" people; how can they NOT get depressed or feel like they want to die or get super excited about nothing?? I have this one friend who has never in her life been depressed for even a minute---what's up with that?