I realized what was the cause of my ongoing, long going depression: solitude.
I need to be heard, I need to be liked, I am a social being that needs attention and validation for her entusiasm. I don't have that in my family, I dind't have that while groing up. My father was the only one that listened to me, but he was so mean and harsh on me sometimes. My mother was "mutte" and the opposite of empathic, my sister frequently told me and tells me to shut up (sisterly love ). I felt so lonely.
I am smart and ironic and growing up in a poor environment I dind't have much friends to keep up with me, also I was already depressed.
I need real life friends. Now that I am waking up I see some people around at my work that I identify with and I really like, but they already have their lives and they are not available for me.
I am still in search for validation. And I have no one.